The Age of Silence
The past few months have been tough on all fronts. And today, it actually dawned upon me that what the heck, by this time next week I’m already going to be 25. That’s officially halfway through my supposedly-glorious youth. The hippie, carefree and quixotic life of the twenty-something.
It is the time to be rash, reckless, impulsive and live on the edge without a care of the world. The time where love is lost, found, accidentally flung out the window, and then caught again in a swirl of some crazy dream, preferably involving a crazy chase halfway around the world and a dramatic reconciliation at the airport. Wait, have I seen that in a movie some where? Doesn’t matter. My point is, this is the time to see the world, get really lost, and then supposedly find yourself, before the dust of your youth settles down into a heap on the floor of your mortgaged house, together with unpaid credit card bills and soiled diapers.
At the same time, I keep expecting something explosive to happen. Any moment now, just right around the corner, inching closer and closer. In my mind I picture myself on a slow boat drifting around in the sea. I know there is a harbour in the horizon not within my view, obscured by the expanse of water, and ANY FREAKING MOMENT now, I am expecting to see that island pop into my field of vision and I will know. That I will be safe.
So perhaps I am naively hoping that one day I will wake up and everything will be in a place where it should be, and I will suddenly find myself all grown up, sensible and ready for the big bad unknown. And I am so afraid that the day will never come. That without myself knowing I have been dragged into the common world where the mediocre and the clueless gather.
Sure, age is but a number. But me thinks that for the next 5 years at least, I should just lose it altogether, because I’m starting to wonder if I have much to lose at all to begin with.
I promise I’ll write about happier things one day. It’s not that I’m always so depressed, it’s just that you know what they say, words find you most easily when you are at your raw moments.