Brain Fog

It is unbelievable that 2013 is soon coming to an end. Very cliche I know… We always seem to lament the passing of time, express amazement only in retrospect. This year has passed by stealthily and in a surreal way. Many highs and lows, oscillating moods. But all in all, this year I have been healing. Though I think deep down I have a penchant for self-destruction. I always let myself sink into the deepest darkest possible abyss of my own head, climb out, and then again fall. Probably this is the only way I know how to get better – by introducing a certain numbness so that I can block out the pain.

Likely as a result, I’ve been feeling that i’m constantly shrouded in a fog. This mental and emotional fog. I often catch myself trudging through life unseeing. Functioning but not feeling. Just needing to get past the day. And then occasionally I do a double-take and wonder what the hell is going on. I forget what I ate or wore yesterday. I forget where I’ve been last month. I forget what we talked about this morning. 

November was a pretty good month. Frankly I don’t remember what happened in the first half (which again really convinces me that I should write more often. Something to bring me back when I’m too far gone) But in the second half I did a week-and-half long travel to Bangkok, Seoul & Sydney, which was one of my better work trips. This was followed by a marathon the weekend after, which I did pretty well considering the absolute lack of training and all the alcohol I had the week before.

 

 

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